Mother's Day

I failed, big time, at ending the day well. Mason had not napped, was really on my nerves with his behavior toward Ruby, and his taking all the popcorn and pushing Ruby away from it was the last straw. I took his arm and swiftly walked him to the kitchen to get his spanking. 

Then I rushed him upstairs where I gruffly told him of my disappointment. Between his little sobs, he kept saying, "Mommy happy, Mommy happy," with a big grin.

I couldn't even lighten up from that! I thought I had so much to be upset about and was holding it all against Mason.

We made amends, and I prayed and asked for forgiveness for losing my temper, and even cried a bit, but I still went downstairs with a chip on my shoulder.

I spent the rest of the night slumped on the couch thinking about how exhausted I was and feeling guilty about what happened and what I should be doing instead. But still, I thought I was entitled to wallow.

I finally decided I should head to bed. I got myself ready and then went to take Mason to the bathroom. 

I gently started to take his covers off and make sure he was dry when he stirred and sat up, reaching for me. I picked him up, took him in the bathroom and sat him on the potty. Without even opening his eyes, he began saying, "Mommy happy, Mommy happy."

I stroked  his hair and cheeks and told him I was very happy and that I loved him very much. When he was done on the potty, he said, "Give Mommy hug." All of this taking place without him ever opening his eyes. I hugged him and held him until he reached for his bed, crying and thinking about what I had done and said right before he went to sleep. How he must have felt!

And all of this on the eve of Mother's Day. How self-focused I am! Thinking of all the things I deserve for being a mom, tallying all the meals, messes, whining, fighting, not getting to do what I want when I want.

Mason's little pleas for his mommy to be happy were a wake up call, to say the least.

I don't deserve anything except a slap in the face. I have been so ungrateful! God has given me a gift far greater than anything I deserve: motherhood. He has entrusted His precious treasures to me, and so far, I feel like a big failure. I know that is not what I need to focus on because that keeps my eyes on myself. Instead, Lord, thank you for your grace and mercy that are new each day. I will fix my eyes on You, because You are where joy is found, and I want Mason and Ruby to know that more than anything!

Mother's Day is not about getting the recognition and gratitude I deserve, but rather to give thanks for the gift of being a mom and for the amazing mom I was given.

Lord, help me be the mom You want me to be!

A Very Happy Mother's Day to all!